I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
