I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
