five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
