I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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