I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
