A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
