I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
