you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
