hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
