but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize