i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
only you would photoshop your dick
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
