Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
