I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
