He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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