thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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