I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
