you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
