Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
