Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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