so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
