ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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