I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How does it feel to date your dad?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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