Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
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