i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i barfeds in our rink
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
