Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
