I just saw a hot homeless man
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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