Sry I called you an 8
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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