Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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