Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
