I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
