I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Let's get the cat blown out
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
