giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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