I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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