I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
