i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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