I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
50% drunk capacity currently
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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