I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
