I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize