...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize