billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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