i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
