Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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