hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
