Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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