I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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