We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
