Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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