i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
