Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
