If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
