The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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