It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
wow bdsm is so cute
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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