Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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