I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
