I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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