Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
