i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
