I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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