the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My feet surprised me
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