I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
