R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
