Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
