You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
