Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
