I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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