Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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