No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
