is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
