It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize