my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Floor bacon is actually really good
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